9 The Role of Family and Friends in Shaping Your Habits

家人和朋友在养成习惯中的作用

IN 1965, a Hungarian man named Laszlo Polgar wrote a series of strange letters to a woman named Klara.

1965年，一个名叫拉兹洛·波尔加的匈牙利男人给一个名叫克拉拉的女人写了一系列奇怪的信。

Laszlo was a firm believer in hard work. In fact, it was all he believed in: he completely rejected the idea of innate talent. He claimed that with deliberate practice and the development of good habits, a child could become a genius in any field. His mantra was “A genius is not born, but is educated and trained.”

拉兹洛是勤奋工作的坚定信仰者。事实上，这就是他所相信的:他完全拒绝天赋的想法。他声称，通过刻意的练习和良好习惯的培养，一个孩子可以成为任何领域的天才。他的口头禅是“天才不是天生的，而是受过教育和训练的。”

Laszlo believed in this idea so strongly that he wanted to test it with his own children—and he was writing to Klara because he “needed a wife willing to jump on board.” Klara was a teacher and, although she may not have been as adamant as Laszlo, she also believed that with proper instruction, anyone could advance their skills.

拉兹洛非常相信这个想法，以至于他想用自己的孩子来验证这个想法ーー他给克拉拉写信是因为他“需要一个愿意加入的妻子”克拉拉是一名教师，尽管她可能不像拉兹洛那么固执，但她也相信，只要有适当的指导，任何人都可以提高自己的技能。

Laszlo decided chess would be a suitable field for the experiment, and he laid out a plan to raise his children to become chess prodigies. The kids would be home-schooled, a rarity in Hungary at the time. The house would be filled with chess books and pictures of famous chess players. The children would play against each other constantly and compete in the best tournaments they could find. The family would keep a meticulous file system of the tournament history of every competitor the children faced. Their lives would be dedicated to chess.

拉兹洛认为国际象棋是一个适合进行实验的领域，于是他制定了一个计划，把他的孩子培养成国际象棋天才。孩子们将在家接受教育，这在当时的匈牙利是罕见的。房子里摆满了国际象棋书籍和著名棋手的照片。孩子们经常互相比赛，在他们能找到的最好的比赛中竞争。这个家庭会把孩子们面对的每一个竞争对手的比赛历史一丝不苟地保存下来。他们的一生将献给国际象棋。

Laszlo successfully courted Klara, and within a few years, the Polgars were parents to three young girls: Susan, Sofia, and Judit.

拉兹洛成功地追求克拉拉，几年后，波尔加夫妇有了三个女儿:苏珊、索菲亚和朱迪特。

Susan, the oldest, began playing chess when she was four years old.

大女儿苏珊四岁时就开始下棋。

Within six months, she was defeating adults.

不到六个月，她就打败了成年人。

Sofia, the middle child, did even better. By fourteen, she was a world champion, and a few years later, she became a grandmaster.

排行老二的索菲亚做得更好。十四岁时，她成为了世界冠军，几年后，她成为了一名特级大师。

Judit, the youngest, was the best of all. By age five, she could beat her father. At twelve, she was the youngest player ever listed among the top one hundred chess players in the world. At fifteen years and four months old, she became the youngest grandmaster of all time— younger than Bobby Fischer, the previous record holder. For twenty-seven years, she was the number-one-ranked female chess player in the world.

最小的朱迪特是最好的。五岁的时候，她就能打败她的父亲。十二岁时，她成为世界上最年轻的国际象棋选手。在她15岁零4个月大的时候，她成为了有史以来最年轻的特级大师，比之前的纪录保持者鲍比·菲舍尔还要年轻。27年来，她一直是世界上排名第一的女子国际象棋选手。

The childhood of the Polgar sisters was atypical, to say the least. And yet, if you ask them about it, they claim their lifestyle was attractive, even enjoyable. In interviews, the sisters talk about their childhood as entertaining rather than grueling. They loved playing chess. They couldn’t get enough of it. Once, Laszlo reportedly found Sofia playing chess in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Encouraging her to go back to sleep, he said, “Sofia, leave the pieces alone!” To which she replied, “Daddy, they won’t leave me alone!”

至少可以说，波尔加姐妹的童年是非典型的。然而，如果你问他们这个问题，他们会说他们的生活方式很有吸引力，甚至很享受。在采访中，这对姐妹谈到了她们的童年，认为这是一种娱乐，而不是折磨。他们喜欢下棋。他们怎么也看不够。据报道，有一次，拉斯洛半夜发现索菲亚在浴室里下棋。他鼓励她回去睡觉，说:“索菲亚，别碰那些碎片!”她回答说:“爸爸，他们不会放过我的!”

The Polgar sisters grew up in a culture that prioritized chess above all else—praised them for it, rewarded them for it. In their world, an obsession with chess was normal. And as we are about to see, whatever habits are normal in your culture are among the most attractive behaviors you’ll find.

波尔加姐妹成长在一个重视国际象棋高于一切的文化氛围中，她们因此而受到称赞，也因此受到奖励。在他们的世界里，痴迷于国际象棋是正常的。正如我们即将看到的，在你们的文化中，任何习惯都是正常的，这些习惯都是你会发现的最有吸引力的行为。

THE SEDUCTIVE PULL OF SOCIAL NORMS

社会规范的诱惑力

Humans are herd animals. We want to fit in, to bond with others, and to earn the respect and approval of our peers. Such inclinations are essential to our survival. For most of our evolutionary history, our ancestors lived in tribes. Becoming separated from the tribe—or worse, being cast out—was a death sentence. “The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.”*

人类是群居动物。我们想融入其中，与他人建立联系，赢得同龄人的尊重和认可。这种倾向对我们的生存至关重要。在我们的进化史上，我们的祖先大多生活在部落中。与部落分离——或者更糟糕的是，被驱逐——等于被判了死刑。“独狼死了，但狼群幸存了下来。”

Meanwhile, those who collaborated and bonded with others enjoyed increased safety, mating opportunities, and access to resources. As Charles Darwin noted, “In the long history of humankind, those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.” As a result, one of the deepest human desires is to belong. And this ancient preference exerts a powerful influence on our modern behavior.

与此同时，那些与他人合作和建立联系的人享有更多的安全、交配机会和获得资源的机会。正如查尔斯·达尔文所说:“在人类漫长的历史中，那些学会合作和随机应变的人占了上风。”因此，人类最深层的欲望之一就是归属感。这种古老的偏好对我们的现代行为产生了强大的影响。

We don’t choose our earliest habits, we imitate them. We follow the script handed down by our friends and family, our church or school, our local community and society at large. Each of these cultures and groups comes with its own set of expectations and standards—when and whether to get married, how many children to have, which holidays to celebrate, how much money to spend on your child’s birthday party. In many ways, these social norms are the invisible rules that guide your behavior each day. You’re always keeping them in mind, even if they are at the not top of your mind. Often, you follow the habits of your culture without thinking, without questioning, and sometimes without remembering. As the French philosopher Michel de Montaigne wrote, “The customs and practices of life in society sweep us along.”

我们不是选择我们最早的习惯，而是模仿它们。我们遵循我们的朋友和家人，我们的教会或学校，我们的当地社区和整个社会传下来的脚本。每一种文化和群体都有自己的期望和标准ーー什么时候结婚、是否结婚、要生几个孩子、要庆祝哪个节日、要在孩子的生日派对上花多少钱。在许多方面，这些社会规范是指导你每天行为的无形规则。你总是把它们记在心里，即使它们不在你的脑海中。通常，你不加思考，不加质疑，有时甚至不加记忆地遵循你的文化习惯。正如法国哲学家米歇尔·德·蒙泰涅所写:“社会的风俗习惯将我们一扫而空。”

Most of the time, going along with the group does not feel like a burden. Everyone wants to belong. If you grow up in a family that rewards you for your chess skills, playing chess will seem like a very attractive thing to do. If you work in a job where everyone wears expensive suits, then you’ll be inclined to splurge on one as well. If all of your friends are sharing an inside joke or using a new phrase, you’ll want to do it, too, so they know that you “get it.” Behaviors are attractive when they help us fit in.

大多数时候，与团队合作并不会让你觉得自己是个负担。每个人都想有归属感。如果你生长在一个因你的象棋技巧而受到奖励的家庭，那么下棋似乎是一件非常有吸引力的事情。如果你的工作中每个人都穿着昂贵的西装，那么你也会倾向于在西装上挥霍。如果你所有的朋友都在分享一个内部笑话或者使用一个新的短语，你也会想这么做，这样他们就知道你“明白了”当行为帮助我们适应环境时，它们是有吸引力的。

We imitate the habits of three groups in particular:

我们特别模仿三个群体的习惯:

1. The close.

2. The many.

3. The powerful.

Each group offers an opportunity to leverage the 2nd Law of Behavior Change and make our habits more attractive.

每个小组都提供了一个机会，利用第二条行为改变法则，使我们的习惯更有吸引力。

1. Imitating the Close

Proximity has a powerful effect on our behavior. This is true of the physical environment, as we discussed in Chapter 6, but it is also true of the social environment.

接近对我们的行为有很大的影响。正如我们在第六章中所讨论的那样，物理环境也是如此，但社会环境也是如此。

We pick up habits from the people around us. We copy the way our parents handle arguments, the way our peers flirt with one another,

我们从周围的人那里学习习惯。我们模仿父母处理争吵的方式，我们的同龄人相互调情的方式,

the way our coworkers get results. When your friends smoke pot, you give it a try, too. When your wife has a habit of double-checking that the door is locked before going to bed, you pick it up as well.

我们的同事得到结果的方式。当你的朋友吸大麻的时候，你也可以试试。如果你的妻子有在睡觉前反复检查门是否锁好的习惯，你也应该把它捡起来。

I find that I often imitate the behavior of those around me without realizing it. In conversation, I’ll automatically assume the body posture of the other person. In college, I began to talk like my roommates. When traveling to other countries, I unconsciously imitate the local accent despite reminding myself to stop.

我发现自己经常模仿周围人的行为，却没有意识到这一点。在谈话中，我会自动地假设对方的身体姿势。在大学里，我开始像我的室友一样说话。当我去其他国家旅行的时候，我会不自觉地模仿当地的口音，尽管我会提醒自己停下来。

As a general rule, the closer we are to someone, the more likely we are to imitate some of their habits. One groundbreaking study tracked twelve thousand people for thirty-two years and found that “a person’s chances of becoming obese increased by 57 percent if he or she had a friend who became obese.” It works the other way, too. Another study found that if one person in a relationship lost weight, the other partner would also slim down about one third of the time. Our friends and family provide a sort of invisible peer pressure that pulls us in their direction.

一般来说，我们和某人越亲近，我们就越有可能模仿他们的某些习惯。一项开创性的研究对12000人进行了长达32年的跟踪调查，发现“如果一个人的朋友变得肥胖，那么他变胖的几率会增加57%。”反过来也是如此。另一项研究发现，如果一方减肥，另一方也会减肥三分之一。我们的朋友和家人提供了一种看不见的同伴压力，把我们拉向他们的方向。

Of course, peer pressure is bad only if you’re surrounded by bad influences. When astronaut Mike Massimino was a graduate student at MIT, he took a small robotics class. Of the ten people in the class, four became astronauts. If your goal was to make it into space, then that room was about the best culture you could ask for. Similarly, one study found that the higher your best friend’s IQ at age eleven or twelve, the higher your IQ would be at age fifteen, even after controlling for natural levels of intelligence. We soak up the qualities and practices of those around us.

当然，只有当你被坏的影响包围时，同龄人的压力才是坏的。当宇航员麦克·马西米诺还是麻省理工学院的研究生时，他参加了一个小型的机器人学课程。班上的十个人中，有四个成了宇航员。如果你的目标是进入太空，那么那个房间就是你所能要求的最好的文化。同样，一项研究发现，你最好的朋友在十一十二岁时的智商越高，你在十五岁时的智商也会越高，即使在控制了自然的智力水平之后。我们吸收周围人的品质和实践。

One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. New habits seem achievable when you see others doing them every day. If you are surrounded by fit people, you’re more likely to consider working out to be a common habit. If you’re surrounded by jazz lovers, you’re more likely to believe it’s reasonable to play jazz every day. Your culture sets your expectation for what is “normal.” Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself. You’ll rise together.

为了养成更好的习惯，你能做的最有效的事情之一就是加入一个你所期望的行为是正常行为的文化。当你看到别人每天都在做的时候，新习惯似乎是可以实现的。如果你周围都是健康的人，你更有可能考虑把锻炼作为一种常见的习惯。如果你周围都是爵士乐爱好者，你更有可能相信每天演奏爵士乐是合理的。你的文化设定了你对什么是“正常”的期望和那些有你想要的习惯的人在一起。你们会一起崛起。

To make your habits even more attractive, you can take this strategy one step further.

为了让你的习惯更有吸引力，你可以采取这个策略更进一步。

Join a culture where (1) your desired behavior is the normal behavior and (2) you already have something in common with the group. Steve Kamb, an entrepreneur in New York City, runs a company called Nerd Fitness, which “helps nerds, misfits, and mutants lose weight, get strong, and get healthy.” His clients include video game lovers, movie fanatics, and average Joes who want to get in shape. Many people feel out of place the first time they go to the gym or try to change their diet, but if you are already similar to the other members of the group in some way—say, your mutual love of Star Wars—change becomes more appealing because it feels like something people like you already do.

加入这样一种文化:(1)你想要的行为是正常的行为，(2)你已经和团队有了共同点。SteveKamb是纽约市的一位企业家，他经营着一家名为NerdFitness的公司，这家公司“帮助书呆子、不适应环境的人和变种人减肥，变得强壮，变得健康。”他的客户包括电子游戏爱好者、电影狂热者以及希望保持身材的普通人。许多人在第一次去健身房或试图改变饮食习惯时，都会感到格格不入，但如果你在某些方面已经和这个群体的其他成员很相似ーー比如说，你们对《星球大战》的共同喜爱ーー那么改变就会变得更有吸引力，因为感觉像你这样的人已经在做了。

Nothing sustains motivation better than belonging to the tribe. It transforms a personal quest into a shared one. Previously, you were on your own. Your identity was singular. You are a reader. You are a musician. You are an athlete. When you join a book club or a band or a cycling group, your identity becomes linked to those around you. Growth and change is no longer an individual pursuit. We are readers. We are musicians. We are cyclists. The shared identity begins to reinforce your personal identity. This is why remaining part of a group after achieving a goal is crucial to maintaining your habits. It’s friendship and community that embed a new identity and help behaviors last over the long run.

没有什么比归属于部落更能维持动力了。它将个人的追求转化为共同的追求。之前，你只能靠自己。你的身份是单一的。你是一个读者。你是个音乐家。你是个运动员。当你加入一个读书俱乐部、一个乐队或者一个自行车团体，你的身份就会和你周围的人联系在一起。成长和改变不再是个人的追求。我们是读者。我们是音乐家。我们是骑自行车的。共同的身份开始强化你的个人身份。这就是为什么在完成一个目标后留在团队中对于保持你的习惯是至关重要的。是友谊和社区嵌入了一个新的身份和帮助行为，能够长期持续下去。

2. Imitating the Many

In the 1950s, psychologist Solomon Asch conducted a series of experiments that are now taught to legions of undergrads each year. To begin each experiment, the subject entered the room with a group of strangers. Unbeknownst to them, the other participants were actors planted by the researcher and instructed to deliver scripted answers to certain questions.

20世纪50年代，心理学家所罗门·阿施进行了一系列实验，现在每年都有大批本科生学习这些实验。在开始每个实验时，实验对象和一群陌生人一起进入房间。他们不知道的是，其他参与者是研究人员安排的演员，并被要求按照照本宣科地回答特定的问题。

The group would be shown one card with a line on it and then a second card with a series of lines. Each person was asked to select the line on the second card that was similar in length to the line on the first card. It was a very simple task. Here is an example of two cards used in the experiment:

小组成员将看到一张上面有一行的卡片，然后是另一张上面有一系列行的卡片。每个人都被要求选择第二张卡片上与第一张卡片上的线条长度相似的线条。这是一个非常简单的任务。下面是实验中使用的两张卡片的一个例子:

CONFORMING TO SOCIAL NORMS

符合社会规范

FIGURE 10: This is a representation of two cards used by Solomon Asch in his famous social conformity experiments. The length of the line on the first card (left) is obviously the same as line C, but when a group of actors claimed it was a different length the research subjects would often change their minds and go with the crowd rather than believe their own eyes.

图10:这是所罗门·阿施在他著名的社会一致性实验中使用的两张卡片的代表。第一张卡片(左)上的线条长度明显与c线相同，但当一组演员声称线条长度不同时，研究对象往往会改变主意，随大流，而不是相信自己的眼睛。

The experiment always began the same. First, there would be some easy trials where everyone agreed on the correct line. After a few rounds, the participants were shown a test that was just as obvious as the previous ones, except the actors in the room would select an intentionally incorrect answer. For example, they would respond “A” to the comparison shown in Figure 10. Everyone would agree that the lines were the same even though they were clearly different.

实验总是以同样的方式开始。首先，会有一些简单的试验，每个人都同意正确的路线。几轮之后，参与者看到的测试和之前的一样明显，只是房间里的演员会故意选择一个不正确的答案。例如，它们将对图10所示的比较作出“a”响应。每个人都会同意这些线条是一样的，即使它们明显不同。

The subject, who was unaware of the ruse, would immediately become bewildered. Their eyes would open wide. They would laugh nervously to themselves. They would double-check the reactions of other participants. Their agitation would grow as one person after another delivered the same incorrect response. Soon, the subject began to doubt their own eyes. Eventually, they delivered the answer they knew in their heart to be incorrect.

那个对这个诡计一无所知的人，立刻就会感到困惑。他们的眼睛睁得大大的。他们会紧张地自我嘲笑。他们会仔细检查其他参与者的反应。当一个又一个人给出同样错误的回答时，他们的焦虑就会加剧。不久，受试者开始怀疑自己的眼睛。最终，他们给出了他们心里知道是不正确的答案。

Asch ran this experiment many times and in many different ways. What he discovered was that as the number of actors increased, so did the conformity of the subject. If it was just the subject and one actor, then there was no effect on the person’s choice. They just assumed they were in the room with a dummy. When two actors were in the room with the subject, there was still little impact. But as the number of people increased to three actors and four and all the way to eight, the subject became more likely to second-guess themselves. By the end of the experiment, nearly 75 percent of the subjects had agreed with the group answer even though it was obviously incorrect.

阿希用许多不同的方法进行了多次这个实验。他发现，随着演员数量的增加，受试者的一致性也随之增加。如果只是一个主题和一个演员，那么这个人的选择就没有任何影响。他们只是以为他们和一个假人在房间里。当两个演员同时在房间里的时候，影响仍然很小。但是，随着参与者人数增加到三个演员和四个，一直增加到八个，实验对象变得更有可能质疑自己。在实验结束时，将近75%的受试者同意小组的答案，尽管这个答案明显是错误的。

Whenever we are unsure how to act, we look to the group to guide our behavior. We are constantly scanning our environment and wondering, “What is everyone else doing?” We check reviews on Amazon or Yelp or TripAdvisor because we want to imitate the “best” buying, eating, and travel habits. It’s usually a smart strategy. There is evidence in numbers.

每当我们不确定如何行动时，我们就会指望群体来引导我们的行为。我们不断地扫描我们的环境，并想知道，“其他人在做什么?”我们在亚马逊、Yelp或TripAdvisor上查看评论，因为我们想模仿“最好的”购物、饮食和旅游习惯。这通常是一个聪明的策略。数字证明了这一点。

But there can be a downside.

但也有不利的一面。

The normal behavior of the tribe often overpowers the desired behavior of the individual. For example, one study found that when a chimpanzee learns an effective way to crack nuts open as a member of one group and then switches to a new group that uses a less effective strategy, it will avoid using the superior nut cracking method just to blend in with the rest of the chimps.

部落的正常行为往往会压倒个人所期望的行为。例如，一项研究发现，当黑猩猩作为一个群体的成员学会一种有效的方法敲开坚果，然后转向一个使用不那么有效策略的新群体时，它会避免使用超级敲坚果的方法，只是为了融入其他黑猩猩。

Humans are similar. There is tremendous internal pressure to comply with the norms of the group. The reward of being accepted is often greater than the reward of winning an argument, looking smart, or finding truth. Most days, we’d rather be wrong with the crowd than be right by ourselves.

人类是相似的。遵守群体规范有着巨大的内部压力。被接受的回报往往比赢得争论、看起来聪明或找到真理的回报更大。大多数时候，我们宁愿在人群中犯错，也不愿自己做对。

The human mind knows how to get along with others. It wants to get along with others. This is our natural mode. You can override it— you can choose to ignore the group or to stop caring what other people think—but it takes work. Running against the grain of your culture requires extra effort.

人类的大脑知道如何与他人相处。它想和别人相处。这是我们的自然模式。你可以推翻它ーー你可以选择忽视这个群体，或者不再关心其他人的想法ーー但这需要付出努力。与你的文化格格不入需要额外的努力。

When changing your habits means challenging the tribe, change is unattractive. When changing your habits means fitting in with the tribe, change is very attractive.

当改变你的习惯意味着挑战部落时，改变就没有吸引力了。当改变你的习惯意味着融入这个部落时，改变是非常有吸引力的。

3. Imitating the Powerful

Humans everywhere pursue power, prestige, and status. We want pins and medallions on our jackets. We want President or Partner in our titles. We want to be acknowledged, recognized, and praised. This tendency can seem vain, but overall, it’s a smart move. Historically, a person with greater power and status has access to more resources, worries less about survival, and proves to be a more attractive mate.

世界各地的人类都在追求权力、威望和地位。我们的夹克上要别针和徽章。我们希望总统或合作伙伴在我们的头衔。我们希望得到承认、认可和表扬。这种倾向似乎是徒劳的，但总的来说，这是一个明智的举动。从历史上看，一个拥有更大权力和地位的人可以获得更多的资源，更少地担心生存问题，而且被证明是一个更有吸引力的伴侣。

We are drawn to behaviors that earn us respect, approval, admiration, and status. We want to be the one in the gym who can do muscle-ups or the musician who can play the hardest chord progressions or the parent with the most accomplished children because these things separate us from the crowd. Once we fit in, we start looking for ways to stand out.

我们被那些为我们赢得尊重、认可、钦佩和地位的行为所吸引。我们想成为健身房里能做肌肉练习的人，或能演奏最难的和弦进行曲的音乐家，或是最有成就的孩子的父母，因为这些事情使我们与众不同。一旦我们适应了，我们就开始寻找脱颖而出的方法。

This is one reason we care so much about the habits of highly effective people. We try to copy the behavior of successful people because we desire success ourselves. Many of our daily habits are imitations of people we admire. You replicate the marketing strategies of the most successful firms in your industry. You make a recipe from your favorite baker. You borrow the storytelling strategies of your favorite writer. You mimic the communication style of your boss. We imitate people we envy.

这就是我们如此关注高效能人士习惯的原因之一。我们试图模仿成功人士的行为，因为我们渴望成功。我们的许多日常习惯都是模仿我们崇拜的人。你复制了行业中最成功的公司的营销策略。你用你最喜欢的面包师做了一个食谱。你借用了你最喜欢的作家的叙事策略。你模仿老板的沟通风格。我们模仿我们所嫉妒的人。

High-status people enjoy the approval, respect, and praise of others. And that means if a behavior can get us approval, respect, and praise, we find it attractive.

地位高的人喜欢得到别人的认可、尊重和赞扬。这意味着如果一个行为可以让我们获得认可、尊重和赞美，我们就会发现它很有吸引力。

We are also motivated to avoid behaviors that would lower our status. We trim our hedges and mow our lawn because we don’t want to be the slob of the neighborhood. When our mother comes to visit, we clean up the house because we don’t want to be judged. We are continually wondering “What will others think of me?” and altering our behavior based on the answer.

我们也有动力去避免那些会降低我们地位的行为。我们修剪树篱，修剪草坪，因为我们不想成为邻居中的懒汉。当我们的母亲来看我们时，我们会打扫房间，因为我们不想被评判。我们一直在想“别人会怎么看我?”并根据答案改变我们的行为。

The Polgar sisters—the chess prodigies mentioned at the beginning of this chapter—are evidence of the powerful and lasting impact social influences can have on our behavior. The sisters practiced chess for many hours each day and continued this remarkable effort for decades. But these habits and behaviors maintained their attractiveness, in part, because they were valued by their culture. From the praise of their parents to the achievement of different status markers like becoming a grandmaster, they had many reasons to continue their effort.

波尔加姐妹----本章开头提到的象棋天才们----证明了社会对我们行为的强大而持久的影响。这对姐妹每天练习几个小时的国际象棋，并持续了几十年的非凡努力。但是这些习惯和行为保持了他们的吸引力，部分原因是他们的文化重视他们，从他们的赞美父母对成就不同的地位标志，如成为一个特级大师，他们有很多理由继续努力。

Chapter Summary

The culture we live in determines which behaviors are attractive to us.

我们生活的文化决定了哪些行为对我们有吸引力。

We tend to adopt habits that are praised and approved of by our culture because we have a strong desire to fit in and belong to the tribe.

我们倾向于养成被我们的文化赞扬和认可的习惯，因为我们有强烈的愿望去适应和归属于这个部落。

We tend to imitate the habits of three social groups: the close (family and friends), the many (the tribe), and the powerful (those with status and prestige).

我们倾向于模仿三个社会群体的习惯:亲密的(家庭和朋友)、多数的(部落)和有权势的(有地位和声望的)。

One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where (1) your desired behavior is the normal behavior and (2) you already have something in common with the group.

为了养成更好的习惯，你能做的最有效的事情之一就是加入这样一种文化:(1)你想要的行为是正常的行为，(2)你已经和这个群体有了共同点。

The normal behavior of the tribe often overpowers the desired behavior of the individual. Most days, we’d rather be wrong with the crowd than be right by ourselves.

部落的正常行为往往会压倒个人所期望的行为。大多数时候，我们宁愿在人群中犯错，也不愿自己做对。

If a behavior can get us approval, respect, and praise, we find it attractive.

如果一个行为可以得到我们的认可、尊重和赞美，我们会发现它很有吸引力。